‘Wearing a beard is one of life’s great pleasures. It’s a look that says, “Yes, I’m a man. I’ll chop down a tree and wrestle a bear for you – and then I’ll wrap you up in my arms and rock you to sleep. And I’m probably quite good at IT and pouring artisan coffee too.”

As a member of the bald-but-bearded community, I afford young swells the opportunity to address me as “Mr Upside-Down Head”. Others among them like to call me “Badger Beard” on account of the distinguished white that is an increasingly prominent feature of my face.

We all chuckle and then we make friends.

Yet ecstasy turned to agony when I contemplated the state of my skin under The Magnificence. It would itch and it would flake. It seemed like a price worth paying in order to look so dang handsome, but it was very irritating (quite literally).

Then along came The Audacious Beard Co. A few dabs of The Woodsman beard oil and I smelt divine, my beard felt heavenly … and the flaky skin was gone.

One day I shall look down from the mountaintop, king of all I survey, and say to myself, “The day that I started to treat my beard as lovingly as others treat it is the day that everything started to come good.”

Tom Greeves, South London